痛

媽 對不起 是我不乖 在你離開的那一年 我還很貪玩 還沒有真正體會到失去你的痛苦 這幾年以來 我事多麼的自責 怪自己當年多麼愚蠢沒有抽多多的時間陪你 沒有好好的孝順你總讓你生氣  沒有陪你聊久久的天 為什麼 為什麼人總是犯賤 要再失去才知道珍惜

這幾年纍計的痛和心事 我總是一個人藏在心裏 我知道說出來既沒有人會明白也不會有人能理解 就算是最要好的朋友 也僅此只能安慰幾句 又能幫得了什麼呢 世間的事真讓人想不到 總是那麼突然 那麼殘忍 就連讓人後悔一秒的機會都沒有 說走就這樣走了

那一年 你病的時候 你的心是不是比我現在還要痛几百倍 你又是怎麼從痛苦裏掙扎 怎麼熬過來的呢在那段期間 我從來沒有聽你對我抱怨過什麼 你就一個人強忍着這樣的疼痛 我記得你那一段時間 偶爾會對我說痛 現在我回想起來 你的那個一簡單的‘痛’字 帶給你的痛到底有多痛 為什麼我到現在才明白 我怎麼現在才想到 你在那個時候不只是承受了身體上的痛 你的心 是不是也痛到你無法形容 像我現在一樣 你真偉大又堅強 我總是很少看你流淚 就算在你生病的那段期間 你也只會偶爾在我面前掉淚 而我那時卻不懂你流下的淚 是多麼的沉重

你知道嗎 我那個時候以為你真的會康復 我一直認為你總有一天又會變得很健康 又可以像從前那樣責罵我們 以為你不會就這樣突然的消失 更沒意料到你的離開是不會再回來 就是因為我當時的愚蠢 照成現在極度的後悔 在那一次 我沒有想過會失去你 更沒想過失去你的生活我該怎樣過 現在我才知道 但是一切來的太晚 我真是一個長不大的傢伙 對不起 我最親愛的媽

媽媽 我那時什麼都不懂 可是你應該知道自己的病情對嗎 那麼為什麼你不找我說多一點話 你知道自從你生病以後 我們的話題是多麼的少嗎 你知道從這一切開始的時候 我們的對話少了多少 你臉上的笑容有少了多少嗎 為什麼你要覺得我當時還小 所以什麼都不跟我說 我真的很後悔 非常後悔 我永遠會記得你離開我們的那一瞬間 我牽著你那只溫暖的手 你卻什麼也沒對我們說 難道你真的那麼放心我們嗎 為什麼你在那一刻什麼都沒對我們說 難道真的沒有重要的事想告訴我們的嗎 我這幾年來一直還對這個抱有很大的疑問 誰可以告訴我 為什麼媽媽什麼都不說 臨走前 不是應該有很多很多話想說的嗎 為什麼我當初也那麼的蠢 連一句我永遠愛你都沒說 真是愚蠢真是笨!

媽咪 其實你知道那天你閉上雙眼的那一刻 全部人都哭的像什麼嗎 整個病房都是狂掉淚的人 整個病房都是哭聲 可是為什麼 為什麼我現在回想起來反而比那天難過 我真的覺得自己很不孝很不懂事 現在回想反而能比當天難過 我真不配當你的女兒 是嗎

媽我只希望你過的好 過得快樂 但是已經3年多了 你怎麼也不回來看下我嗎 我有好多好多話想對你說你知道嗎 痛得快要崩潰...

写心事 =')

其实我真的很羡慕拥有一个完整的家庭的人.
就比如静雯,我去她的店的时候都觉得她们的家人感觉是温暖的.
她和她妈妈谈天的方式很窝心><
不知道如果妈咪你还在的话..会不会和我谈天的时候也好像朋友那样?
我觉得应该会有很温暖的感觉吧.
我们可以一起去走街.一起聊着天.我想ipad里会有很多我和你的照片哦妈咪:)
看到一个网友在facebook放她和她妈妈的合照..我真的很羡慕.真的.
她们母女俩让我感觉很窝心.完整的家庭的温暖..是那样吗?
她们偶尔也会在facebook聊天..可是我想我妈咪应该不会啦><对不对咪?
我真的很想牵着妈咪的手走街..怪就怪自己以前从没想过这样.
还有点讨厌妈咪走街可以走那么久..
不知道是不是长大了..喜欢走街买衣了..所以好想好想跟妈咪走街.
不知道那个感觉会是怎样的呢?

妈咪..你知道吗?我每次梦见你..场面都很模糊..真的很模糊.
为什么不让我把你看得仔细一点，清楚一点呢?
我想要永远把你记在心里.我答应过自己肯定不会忘记你.
我答应过自己肯定不会让别人代替你:')
所以请你也别把我这个做女儿的位子让给别人好不好?
妈咪.我知道我长大了.坏了.但是..不要丢下我..不要不管我.放弃我好吗?
偶尔见下我总可以吧?我们做了15年的母女呢..你怎么可以轻易忘了我呢?

妈咪..下次您来看我的时候..记得一定要跟我说话.
因为..我不想忘记你的声音.
我还有好多好多我要对你说的.
可是你不说话.我有看不清你..所以我说不出任何一句话.
下次记得要跟我说话..看看我能不能回应你.
让你知道我们的近况.
而且..我想和你谈谈我的心事呢.
你不会舍得让你女儿-我一个人把心事放在心里..却忍住不哭吧.
我想我在你面前大可以放心的哭..大声的痛苦...我想再次拥抱你.
如果时间可以倒流多好.我一定会紧紧抱着你不放.

为什么?为什么人总是那么的犯贱?
拥有美好的东西是总不会珍惜.
活在福中却不知福.
总要等到失去了...在知道曾经的一切是对自己多么的重要!

妈咪...我不管别人知不知道我在考试又没有努力过.
因为他们都只看后果.
但我相信..你会看到我努力的过程..对吗?
还有..我想和你说..表姐家欣毕业了.
大姨和大姨丈有去参加她的毕业典礼哦.
不知道我毕业那天.你是不是也默默的在看着我.守护着我.
还是微微的笑着说:我的傻女儿终于毕业了=')
妈咪..你等我..总有一天我会回你身旁!
只是需要时间而已..所以你一定要等我!

妈咪..你在天上不要哭.
好好照顾自己.
如果想念我了..记得穿着我送你的衣服..我们有把那件衣放给你的.
那是我第一次也是最后一次送你的衣服呢.记得别弄坏了:)

毕业后.我想染头发.
可是妈咪你不能陪我去了..没关系.
我会找朋友陪我的.放心.
只是..我很想念以前我们一起去理发店弄头发的日子.
因为你总会陪我做头发护理.
而现在呢...我的头发都快烂了都没去做呢.
妈咪...你以前太宠我料=)

妈咪..你真的真的不要忘记我.
我下一世还要做你的女儿的.
如果你觉得我不乖..不要丢下我好吗?
就是因为我不乖..才要等你来教.
我要在下一世完成我们这一世没有走完的路.
其实不只下一世..我永远永远都想做你的女儿.
不知道怎么说.我觉得你对我来说才有妈咪的味道:)

好了妈咪..我不写了.
如果可以.
今天也来找我好吗？

再见了．我最敬爱也是最亲爱的妈咪! :')

The time spend with family :)

2day is public hoilday, my lovely daddy and cousin also din work.
So..they decide to go pulau carey (海鲜饭店) to have lunch =)
The place is quite far lorr! Near banting i think...coz i keep saw the banting signs hahaha!
First, daddy and me and also little bro when to "be yi" hse, we gather at thr only start to go for pulau carey. My daddy first time drive the subaru car for a long way, quite syok lahh.Bcoz actually we need bout 30 minutes to went thr...but my daddy drive the car only need at most 10 minutes @.@ wohooo! Syok rite :P ?

This is my outfit 2day :) I noe its simple ! hehe.

Hahaha.When i reached thr. I find dis little cute cousin to take picture.
She's really cute larr. Agree..? Weheeee ^^
But! Ignore me please. Bcoz its hard to take picture with her.
So i dun care hw ugly am I -.- zZ.

And dis is the next little cousin. Dis is her brother :)
Look cute rite? I love them muchhiee!!
He has cutie dimple one lerrhh..i think he shall be handsome when he grow bigger =P

Dis was the picture i took after lunch. Did u see the little boy bside me? He's also my cousin but what i want to say is he's really naught! Beh tahan omg! I want to take picture with my cousin but he block us, so i must take picture with hime first -.-
And when he come to my hse, he will take everything out and he broke my telescope that time! Gek sei ngo! =3=

Oh no! Can u see this? He's my lovely daddy! I love him so much :) ! Bcoz he's really care me and love me much! Although he work hardly alone now..bcoz my mum was pass away. But he will buy anything that i need. Daddy, i promise..i'll take care of you when the day ur hair grow into white. I promise, i'll not make u sad anymore. I lubbbb you daddy! Mwahs :)

After luch, we went for kuchai lama! Bcoz i want to eat snowfake!! Buahahhaha =D
Babe Darl ! Please don't be mad or angry =PP
Next time when i drive i'll fetch u go one XDD

Here's my cousin(xin yi) and her brother.

My brother and Me :)

Please spot the right hand side picture. Do we look alike.
I take dis picture accidentaly :) hahha.

Babe Darl! Here's ur pearl milk tea XDD
Please spot the snowflake and nt my super duper ugly face.
Actually i dont like this 2 picture, I juz want to let darl SEE what i holding :PP

Hahhaha...we went back home after eating snowflake :)
This is the picture i took in my room ^^
Me and Cousin (xin yi) hehe.
Do i look pretty ? Oh ya. i noe the ans is YES xPP

Okay! That's all i want to share with u guys :)
Hope u all enjoy while viewing my bloggie arh! Follow me thx =D
Lastly, my personal picture will replace me to end this post XD

Don't laugh please..! I had cut my front hair and i think it was super duper ugly.
So i clip up all my hair and tie it up 2day.
I have a new record u noe?! I don't even try to tie up all my hair and hang out one!! Grrr..!
Graduate day is coming lerr..how cn i take many picture with my ugly front hair T___T Cry out loud :'(

-----THE END-----Thx for your viewing and don't 4get to follow me yea.♥ -----

Happy Buffday Babe Ivy =D

Deng Deng!! This is the buffday babe :) ♥
Dunid say u all also noe gua..u see that day she so special :P

Babe ah babe...U dun be maid or angry arh!
Be happy but dunid so gam dong :P
We make this suprise for eu..hope u happy yea! Err..i means happy everyday nt jz that second XD

Forgive babe darl bcuz she really cnt join :)
We (ashley, florence, kenneth, and me) make a suprise for her! Her boyfiee(l.q) was record the video,but i din post here yea friend..if u want to see that video..go fb see! (chow colin) had post :)
We reached thr at 7pm i think..first we go the mines to buy present and cake for the buffday babe :D
Babe..hope u like that piggy arh...same as you mahhh..so ngam you XD
And then we buy a choclate cake for her !

See! Here's the pink piggy ^^

Oh! Babe and Me :)

Two babes! (Ivy,Ashley)

This is florence and babe :)

I think babe ivy was happy ytd.Bcuz...You see how sweet she is with her boyfiie larr :) and also many sweet frens help her celebrate !

How sweet they are x)
Like want to get married lerr XD

Georgia and Me :)

Florence, Ashley and Me :)

Georgia, Florence, Ashley and Me :D

LOL! This is envy coke(tan siew yap).
He said want take picture bcuz we knew each other from primary till now :) haha!

And the last! This is the group photo :)
All guys that join Babe Ivy buffday ytd :D

At the last I want to SAY!
Friends who view my bloggie!
Please Wish my babe ivy Happy Birthday arh! :)
Don't worry! Her buffday havent pass yet..her birth is on 12th of november!
Remember wish her in fb yea!

-----Happy Day END-----

Happy Buffday :)

Oh Yea! You din see wrong! This is my pretty girlfriend and 2day is her buffday :)) hehe!

Errr..we knew each other in fb haha. Ya, although we din play or talk 2geda like others do.

But i will appreciate our friedship! She is jz form 3. So..i think i should take care her?o.0 haha.

Don't think that i very "Fan" ah girlfriend XD

After dis year you we cnt meet each other ler. But nvm...if free we go out 2geda larr XD

You at skul want take good care arh! Don't bcum naught girl ah :)

I will appreciate you bcuz i noe ur a girl that have kindly heart :)

First time i saw u at skul ady tell xin yi that u very pretty de lorrr hahahah ><

Mana tau now we ady noe each other :P

But time really past to fast, we juz noe each other ady want "fen kai" :( [sad case].

Little girlfriend! Really want take care wohh!

If u feel sad! Nvm! Come find me! Okay :') ?

Bye Bye =)

Lastly, i'll wish u again!

Happy Buffday my dear ♥

Stay pretty and healthy always :) mwahs xP

SPM is coming soon :'(

Oh gosh!! Do you noe? SPM is coming! I juz have 2 weeks to study and do exercise!!

But..why? Why iM so lazy?! I hate myself!!
I hate i can sit in front comp and fb-ing or blog-ing for whole day!
I hate i still can relax and watch movie at this moment! zZ =.=
Fuck You Yee Hui Yi o0o
If u dun wan ur result bcum worst and let ppl laugh! GO STUDY!!
If u dun wan when the result out and then oni u regret or sad! GO STUDY!!
If u want to study in a better college! GO STUDY!!
If u want your future can find a better job! GO STUDY!!
Please! Don't juz like an useless people just wait until the spm come and don't even study!

*A post for remind myself to study hard!! Useless HuiYi.

请允许我骂脏话ArghhhH!!!

FUCKER!!!
I have been dlt my old blog and create a new one ><
Guess what?! Stupid Blog!I hate you!

All design of my old blog is already lost!
So NOW, iM a new user, I have to learn how to make my blog full of picture, design and songs haiz :(

U noe? Now ady 2.30a.m. And what i did is creatind a new blog! DAMN!
Okay, my eyes gonna close so i have to end my blog here.Bye =]